So this week marks one year since we left NC for Syria. And ironically enough last night I read a brief article that reminded me of myself prior to our trip. People thought we were brave (or stupid?) for going to the Middle East, particularly a country known for all the terrorists hiding behind every tree....errr, well, we'd better change that to car since there really isn't that many trees in Damascus and we all know Damascus is teeming with terrorists, right?
But I never feared anything like that. Seriously. I honestly didn't much care what happened to me. I was more worried about finding food without nuts and western-style toilets!
I was more fearful of something happening to loved ones back home and my not being around to "save" them somehow.
And that's what the article dealt with.
Even though the article came to me about a year later than my Syria situation, in reality, I still have similar fears very often. So in that regard, it was timely.
The author talked about how her fear grew stronger the more she loved someone. You know, that fear that something will happen to a loved one and your imagination that there is absolutely no way life could go on if that horrible event actually occurred?
She was learning to deal with this fear and mentioned the verse in First John 4 about perfect love casting out fear. She also mentioned this verse which I read a few times and pondered:
16And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.
If I know the love of God, why not rely on it? Perhaps the problem is that I don't deep-down know that love well enough to trust it!
Basically I need to trust my loved ones to God. I don't know why I'd assume God would lure me to the Middle East only to then hurt my loved ones while I'm thousands of miles away. Do I really believe a God who claims to be love would purposefully be so cruel? Perhaps I just don't comprehend God's love. But then I can look to the cross and see that huge sacrifice. Hmmm.
I'd encourage you to read the section here on God's love and ours. It's quite beautiful.